In The Wee Hours

Darkness, silence and solitude combine like a triangle of contemplation or a pyramid of reflection. Centered in that structure, you find out who you really are, in the wee hours of the morning; that time when no one else is looking.

Sometimes, when I should be sleeping, I find myself facing my fears and delving deep into the chasm of my own heart. I wonder if I really believe in all the things I tell people I believe in. I plead with God to help my unbelief, while simultaneously trying to persuade him that I do believe. I review the hundred times I failed during the previous day, and  compare the failures to the half-dozen or so times that actually honored God with my actions, through my faith. Most times, the comparison isn’t even close. After all, I’m just a man trying to live in a fallen world.

But, I realize facing my failures is bearing my cross and walking it out. And everyday, God hits the reset button. He gives me a fresh portion of grace and mercy; enough to make it through another day.

So, just maybe the wee hours of the night are a good time. They help me to quiet my active mind enough to hear the voice of God and learn from the mistakes made in the past.