While She Sleeps

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As I diligently tap away at the keyboard, my wife undresses, lays her head against the pillow, and begins snoring not four minutes later. These days, she’s tired; more so than usual. She’s drained physically, and spiritually.

My laptop is propped up on an empty 3-inch binder laying on the mattress, giving me the perfect typing angle. I’m on my knees. Actually, my knees are resting inside my comfy Jordan flip flops at my bedside. I’d been kneeling and typing away in this position for almost two hours, when she came up to bed. Now, I’m watching her sleep…and praying for her.

Lately, she’s been a stressful mess. Bills are overdue. Her job doesn’t fulfill her the way it used to. We’ve never been able to afford a real family vacation. And all the while, she walks through life, day to day, just being Mom and wife in addition to cook, maid, laundry captain, chauffeur, field trip coordinator, softball fan no. 1, and occasional love bunny. Recently, she told me she just doesn’t have time to get into her bible the way she wants to. Sometimes, I think, “Yeah, okay. Make time.” But then, I have to remember that I don’t walk in her shoes. My role as Dad and husband is so less complicated because the fact is, I’m a selfish butthead half the time.

“Daddy, I have a knot in my shoe.”

“Then get it out.”

“Daddy, can I-”

“No.”

“But, you didn’t even-”

“Yeah, its still gonna be a ‘No.'”

“Daddy, I didn’t want a chocolate peanut butter sandwich for lunch.”

“Sorry. You took your time getting up. Eat what I made you.”

But not Mom. She takes care of everyone’s needs, whether she’s in the mood to or not. That’s just how she is; a real superhero. She’s always considering everyone else in the house before herself. I’ll walk away from a task or a person, when its time for me to get my read on. But not her. She caters to everyone but herself. I think I envy her for that sometimes. I wish I could be that compassionate. After all, the bible does teach us to love our neighbor as we love ourselves.

So here I am; watching her sleep. For a few hours, she’s free and peaceful. No deadlines to fill; no boo boos to fix; no bills to worry about; no need to ask God where He is; no husband to care for. And while she sleeps, she doesn’t notice me slip a hand on her shoulder. She doesn’t notice me thanking God for bringing her into my life; the mother of our five children.

She doesn’t know I pray for her every night. I pray for her to hold on just one more day. Our breakthrough is coming. One day, we’ll be able to afford the vacations. One day, we won’t have to choose between paying bills or buying groceries for two weeks. One day, we won’t have to worry about paycheck to paycheck living. One day, she’ll be able to spend as much time as she wants in the presence of the Lord, without having to worry about who needs attention next in line.

She’s peaceful while she sleeps. And I’m grateful for that.

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